gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
