Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
These tits shall not be calmed
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
please don't ironically join a cult
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