i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
