Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
