there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
