Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
