Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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