i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I love having hate sex.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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