Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
