That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
