do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
