you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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