Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
