If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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