Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
