plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
