k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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