HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
