i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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