I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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