I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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