Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
