Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
