hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
