I bet he comes in French.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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