No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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