Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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