Plan B is the new Plan A
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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