Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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