i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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