I will die if light touches me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
