your thong is hanging out like whoa
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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