ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
