The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
