Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
