walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
