I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
