Ambien. No doubt about it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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