i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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