Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
