Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
please don't ironically join a cult
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