the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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