How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
