Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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