DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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