You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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