I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
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I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
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He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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