he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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