Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
