im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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