if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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