I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
