When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
