took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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