On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
