you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
