Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
