wanna go halves on a baby?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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