u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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