i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize