i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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