is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
