my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
