its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
