I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
