The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
