remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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