Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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