we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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