So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He felt like a one man threesome
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
